Sometimes, its the fact that you are not the only person that loves you … that keeps you from throwing yourself over the cliff, literally or figuratively.

My father has always been one supportive human being. I think my parents are extraordinary. Both came from humble homes and have achieved quite a lot. Growing up, I was priviledged to have the love of both of them, and more. More because they always had more to give.

Kids …

“They cry all the time nonestop, they never sleep, they are terrible conversationalists, and they take everything you’ve got … all your time, all your focus, all your patience, all your sleep … Everything, till you’ve got nothing left for you …”

Dr bailey (on how kids can be handful), grey’s anatomy

I must have been a very annoying child, I am already as an adult. Deep down, I think I have always thought that I am a smartass, that I could always anticipate particular reactions from people because, for some reason, I am actually really good at it (I could be terrible, but like I said, I think I’m a smartass. I am my own cheerleader). But my father, leave it it to him to surprise you with the sweetest gestures of all time. I recently switched websites with the help of an annoying but quite loveable individual. I don’t think my parents noticed, but since this is the first serious venture I have undertaken ( I chose to invest in myself, typical), they were a little concerned about my spending of the little savings I had on it. I casually send links, not for them to read, but for them to remember that the site is still around, lol.

One day I’m in the living room with my dad, not sure what was happening then but both of us were deeply engrossed in whatever activities. Then, out of nowhere he goes,

“How can we help you with your website?”

For a minute I was like … “Huh?” Where did that come from? I blabbered whatever came to mind,

“I mean, I have already paid for everything and its up and running.” As if he anticipated my dumb answer, he immediately said,

“No, I meant, how can we help you grow?”

Y’all … Onions …

“You could share the links when I send them?”

“Okay.”

And that was it. What was that? It’s like he just closed that tab in his mind and continued with whatever else he was doing. I was disoriented the entire day. Don’t get me wrong, I was brought up with a lot of love. However, I am not ignorant of the society I live in.

“You are paid directly proportional to the amount of problems you solve.”

elon musk

That got me thinking about money and love, then very intrestingly, to men. Think about it, doesn’t society often show more respect to the owner of the vehicle as opposed to the watchman guarding it? This reminds me of that one time my former mentor and I went to Java to discuss my work. He drove there and upon arrival, the security guard saluted. And in my head I was like, “what are you doing?” That is so unnecessary. If someone did that to me I’d die of embarrassment. Gentleman calmly got out of the vehicle like it was an everyday thing. Contrast that to the scenario where a young man saw a really expensive Mercedes Benz C 250 parked outside a supermarket with a guard (probably tipped) watching over it. The guard rudely asks the young man “unaiangalia kwani ni yako“, seemingly forgetting that inaeza kuwa yake.

I often say that men are loved or shown love only if they can provide. Immediately they cease, or temporarily take a pause, that love becomes conditional and that is the saddest thing ever.

This was a year ago. From then on, I became hard on my little king, tougher, but not forgeting to show him love because I understood, finally, why it is so hard for the boy child out here. I encourage him to be feminine and enjoy what good things society terms ‘za wanawake‘. I ask him to smell good, get that haircut, get that great shoe, spend on himself as we spend on him too. The goal of this is for him to know that he deserves good things, that he should get these things and that whatever life throws at him, he could always count on us. I have seen my male friends break, and I’ll be damned if that happened to my baby. I mean, he’s as annoying as all little brothers are and very much so. But I remember the little thing at seven years old, the cutest and most annoying little bundle of disaster who could lift my older sister and throw her on the couch like an I’d do to my oversized panda. I remember how annoyingly soft his skin was (and still is), how that ‘fake dimple’ would appear every time he genuinely smiled; how weird it was seeing his beard start growing the other day, how terrifying it was that his voice was now deep and commanding. He’s growing up faster than I can comprehend.

My father, well, as most men are, does not outrightly and consciously show love. However, if you are observant enough, you will see it. I have an attachment to the Taifa laptop my parents bought me when I joined Law School at JKUAT. When I opened it, it had one folder and one document in word. It was a letter from my dad, the specific contents I choose to keep to myself. However, they wished me well. My, how thoughtful. I see men in my family show love and support and I think actions speak louder than words. My brother esnures that the dishes are washed before bed. You better believe that I’d leave them there because I get sleepy immediately I eat. I think it’s the little things that matter. I do not remember the last time I told my father or brother that I loved them, but I think they know that. However, I will learn to show them that I do. I think it is important that men get that mushy mushy kind of love, that constant attention and that reminder that the love being given is not tied to them being providers. I think a lot could change if we treated them like we treated ourselves.